Why do rock stars write about going home so much? Think about it. Let's start with a classic...Ozzy Osbourne - "Mama, I'm Coming Home." Some may argue that the Prince of Darkness was writing about seeing his mum in heaven...doesn't matter. More recently you have crooner Michael Buble' - "Home." Great, great song (Carmen loathes the country version). And we can't forget Daughtry's infectious anthem about going back to the place where he belongs, "Home."
Point is, we all long for a home. My family moved around a pretty good bit growing up because we were in the ministry. Just the other day my sister and me were sharing memories of our grandparent's (mom's parents) house in Cumberland, Maryland. Our reminiscent conversation brought back instant feelings of warmth and comfort. We normally didn't go on yearly vacations, we went home. Cumberland was home for us. Our extended family was there and it provided a constant in a life that usually thrived on change.
A few years ago, my grandparents were no longer healthy enough to maintain that house. They moved to an apartment in Charleston where my uncle could look after them. Our home was gone. Shortly after that, my parents left Alabama for a church in Florida. We had lived in Alabama longer than any other place (almost 10 years), and it was starting to feel like home. Gone. I was in college at the time in Birmingham, so I decided to stay here. Florida never really felt like home, but it was the closest thing I had. Last year, I lost that when my parent's separated and moved back to Alabama. They're both currently living in their apartments, belongings split up...it's not only not home (as hard as I've tried to make it so), it's also sad.
Why all this talk of home? This weekend we're helping Carmen's mom move into a new house. And as excited as I am for my favorite mother-in-law to move into her dream house, I'm also a little blue. You see, this house had become a home of sorts, probably my last in the sense I'm talking about. I started dating my wife while she lived in that house back when we were still in high school. And in all of my loss of "home" in the past few years, my wife's childhood house had in fact become my home. It has been the invariable in my life that's been full of variables. And after this weekend, I'm going to lose that too.
I know we've all heard the phrase, "Home is where you make it." That's bullshit, and you know it. Maybe instead, home is what you make it. Maybe I needed to lose my many homes, so I can create one with my wife for our children...for our grandchildren. I don't know. Alls I do know is my life is not getting any easier, and I'm afraid loss is going to be a significant part of my life...I better learn to deal with it.
Quote of the day: "You wanna see homos naked? That's cool man." - Joe Dirte'
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Cause I Don't Remember
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4 comments:
This isn't as good as the classic Joe Dirt quote, but I thought of it as I read this entry.
"You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." -Andrew, Garden State
Sup man.
I TOTALLY get you man. TOTALLY.
I think the losses you have experienced will help you and Carmen make your own "home" even more meaningful. I am sorry for your losses and I "feel your pain!"
Hmmm...that white house looks so familiar. Where have I seen that before? :)
It is funny that you mention Cumberland. That town always looked so quaint and homey whenever we passed it on the way to the ski resort.
I think it takes awhile to make a house a home. I'm just now starting to feel that way about my house after 11 years. It is all about the memories that you make and that comes with time.
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